Grandpa Scott.

I miss you so much!!! I will never forget the night you died. You and grandma were watching me because mom and dad were at camp. I loved coming to your house. You would always take me to school with you and when the college boys flirted with me, you would tell them they were too old for me and to stay away. Then you would giggle. You called me your blonde bomb shell. I always felt so special with you. I even remember the time I got in trouble for putting paper in the crack of the secretary that you refinished. You couldn’t spank me because I smiled at you. I always knew how to get out of trouble with you :).I remember the little things: like when you would give me Vienna sausages and I called them Little Hot Dogs. I remember being at your house the first time I met Corey & Laura. Laura, since I have started this letter, got really sick and she passed away. It was so hard on everyone and made me think of you a lot. There was a time I walked down the hospital hallway after she had passed and it took me back to when I was 5 years old, standing in the hallway after you passed. It made me feel so small. Please give her a hug for me.

I remember the night you died like it happened yesterday. It’s funny how years later the things you want to remember you can’t and things you don’t, you do. I remember sitting on your couch. It was against the wall to right coming out of the kitchen. You sat down next to me and I climbed into your lap. Did you know then that it would be the last time that we would see each other? I remember you smiled at me and it would always warm my heart and make me happy. You had salt & pepper hair. On your head AND in your beard. You told me that you had a doctors appointment and had to leave. Little did I know that doctor offices closed at 5pm and it was close to 9pm. I know this because it was dark outside and it was summer time. You put me back on the couch and I remember watching you kiss grandma goodbye. I wonder if she resents me for not being able to go with you. Maybe she would have been able to say goodbye before you passed away. When you walked out the door, I went running after you and said, “I love you! I will see you later!” You turned to me and said I love you too. The next thing I remember was Mark and grandma arguing over who was going to drive to the hospital. Mark had his license taken away and grandma was too upset to drive. I don’t remember who drove but I can, to this day, see darkness all around me as I sat in the backseat. I remember watching the street lights as they passed and I knew something was wrong. I don’t remember getting out of the car or walking in but I do, however, remember sitting in a small room with a doctor and grandma. There was a desk that the doctor sat behind and grandma sat next to me close to the door. There was a Jesus picture on the wall that she kept staring at and a box of tissues on the corner of the desk. As I watched her stare at the picture, I could see the desperation on her face. She looked so much older than she really was. I don’t remember if she ever even spoke a word but the doctor did a lot of talking but to this day, I couldn’t tell you what he said. It was almost like the teacher on Charlie Brown when she would talk. You hear noise but no clarity with her words.

When we left the office, we walked down what seemed like a big, white hallway. I didn’t see anything there but white walls and white floors. We came to a waiting room where I saw my mom and dad sitting on a couch. Mom was sitting with her hands around her belly and dad was sitting with his head in his hands and was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He and mom had been crying. They made me wait in the hallway and Mark stayed there with me. I’m not sure if they made me or if I just wasn’t allowed to go in. They probably didn’t want me to see you in a hospital bed. After going through what I went through with Laura, it was probably good that I didn’t see you at that young of an age. However, at one point I was left alone so I peeked inside to see what was going on. It’s kind of funny because during this whole time, I don’t remember seeing anything other than white walls, white floors, a couch, and you in a bed. Everything seemed to white and clean. I bet you are white and clean now. How beautiful! Anyway, when I peeked in, I saw you lying in a bed covered up with a white blanket. Grandma was standing to the left of you with her hand on your hand. Dad was on the right of you and was crying. Mom was next to him. Mark was walking in and was standing a bit away from you. I don’t think he knew what to do. He was so young when it happened.

I remember the visitation. I was playing tag in the foyer with some other kids whose job was to watch me and I ran into where the casket was and jumped up against it. It began to rock and then I felt dad grab my arm and make me sit down. I knew I was in trouble but I also knew that you would have laughed had you seen it. I can here you know, “don’t spank that sweet little girl” Lol. I don’t remember the funeral or the burial. I’m not sure I was even there. I was so sad that I couldn’t see you anymore. I have asked both mom and dad if they remember but they don’t. I think it was a crazy day for everyone.

As I got older, I would ask questions about you. I know how you and grandma met. How you got married. How you got divorced and then remarried. I also know about the mental illnesses that you all had. When we go to visit Joe and Patty, Laura would take me to your grave site. It became the place where we would go to sneak and smoke. But don’t tell anyone :) You would have had so much fun with me and Laura. We would have made you smile.

I remember one time shortly after you died, mom, dad and I went to visit your grave site. Dad was the only one who got out. I believe it was raining outside and I was sitting in the car behind mom’s seat. I could see out the windshield and there you were kneeling at the site and crying. I felt so sad for you. I couldn’t imagine loosing my dad at such a young age. You know when people ask if you could talk with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be, my answer is always you. Dad and I are so close and I know we can talk about you anytime but sometimes it’s good to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth :) One day though we will sit and talk and we will have forever to catch up.

You were almost done with school when you passed away so they gave you a diploma anyway. Dad accepted it for you and as he walked across the stage people started cheering for you. It was amazing to be a part of that. Everyone was so proud of you. Including me.

So much has happened since you have been gone. I can’t believe it has been almost 25 years. I graduated high school at Scott County High. We moved from Mt. Sterling to Louisville to Georgetown. Grandma lived with us for awhile. She didn’t do so good after you died. She passed away about 13 years ago. She lived in Mexico and she had the flu. They didn’t have the ability to take care of her and she went septic. She is buried somewhere in Mexico. We didn’t have a service or anything for her. But I know the two of you are together now and probably driving Jesus crazy! Lol. I was 16 when she passed away and I was a little jealous of her because I knew she was with you. I went through the same thing with Laura too. Give grandma a big hug for me and tell her I love her.

Mom had another baby, a girl, Christina Grace. We call her Nina. She is 8 years younger than Jon and 14 years younger than me. I don’t know what they were thinking having another baby at that point and I’m pretty sure they were thinking the same thing but we are happy to have her. I got married in 2003 and we now have two girls. You would love them! They are so rotten. They completely adore dad (grandpa) and of course, they get away with everything. I love to watch dad with the girls. It reminds me so much of our relationship.

Dad is doing well. He is still preaching and God is doing awesome things through his ministry. You would be so proud of him. Our church runs about 1200 and still growing. He also looks just like you. The grey hair, the beard, the face. When he smiles his entire face lights up just like yours did.

Mom is doing good as well. God is working through her too. She is an amazing mother and dad pretty awesome too. I am so blessed to have them both as parents. You did a good job raising dad.

I recently had a dream about you. It was so real and you were posed as a homeless man. What is really cool is I went to Nashville a couple of months ago and talked with a homeless man that looked just like you. That was after the dream happened. In the dream we were in a big house that had glass everywhere and it was all white. Grandma was there too but you were so prominent. We talked and it was almost like you had been watching me all these years. Making sure I was ok. I didn’t want to wake up but there was so much comfort there when I did. I think God gave me that dream.

I miss you so much but I know I will see you one day and you will be one of the first to greet me when I get there. Dad will be there too. I hope that I will be able to have a glimpse of that reunion. It will be beautiful and oh so special!

Love,
Elizabeth – Your blonde bomb shell